There are no words to describe the feelings and thoughts after a divorce. I've been there once, and almost twice. Women may cope differently, but at the end of the day, it brings about loss, not so much financially but emotionally and mentally. You know you need to move on but you don't know where to begin. You just want to move forward, but your whole system wants to rest. Yet, resting would mean dealing with some emotional trauma that you are not ready to deal with.
Some women like myself were the ones who called the divorce. I was just done. I had no more strength left in me to continue in a relationship like that. I embraced the divorce; I wanted it. I moved on and buried myself in the busyness of my career, so as not to deal with anything from my past. Sad to say, you can't run away from your past. Either you deal with it soon enough or wait for it to return. This is the case with me. I did't realize that I brought it with me to my second marriage, which almost led to another divorce.
Other women were left by their husbands for 'another woman'. This, I believe, is even more painful than what I've been through, although my divorce from my ex was also due to a string of adulterous relationships.
A woman came to me once not knowing where to start. She lived in her RV with her two children, and her husband was living comfortably with his new girlfriend, now wife. The worst thing was that the new woman was somebody she knew and introduced to her ex husband. How do you begin from there? Where do you start picking up the pieces? Do you even pick up the broken pieces?
Although our past will always follow us until we deal with them, we also can't get stuck to our past. Dealing with the pain a day at a time is the only way any woman can overcome the pain brought about by divorce.
As important as dealing with the pain is having a clearer direction as to where you should go. This will be your goal that will keep you going. Don't just bury yourself in the busyness of your job or career, which is what I did. Find something you want to do not only on a personal level but on a professional level.
Do you have a dream job you've always wanted to have but never had? Do you have a business idea that you've always wanted to do? Have you dreamed of being a leader in church or your community?
I want you to remember something, and please keep this close to your heart.
You were created to fulfill a purpose greater than your being a wife. That part of your life, whether it will happen again or not is simply an avenue to fulfill your purpose. That assignment is done, but your purpose remains.
Find your next assignment, this time in your professional life. This will give more meaning to your personal life and will add greater value for you, as a person.
If you have any questions or want to know more about this topic, feel free to get in touch with me. Click the link below for my contact information.
Each one of us was born to look for "that place" where we can fit in. From childhood to adulthood, and even until today, regardless of what the situation is, we are all looking for that "niche".
A child in a playground looks around to see who he can approach to play with. A student in school sizes up other people who will accept him. This same student is led to a path for College education to find that specific course that would lead to his career goals. A person looking for a job searches for work that he will be able to do with the skills and experience that he has. A businessman creates a business plan that identifies his target niche. A politician comes up with a political platform that will be well-received by the people he is looking for support. A man looks for his help-meet, the woman who is designed for him. It is all about finding that fit, isn't it?
Finding that fit is ingrained in us because we were created for a purpose. None of us is created for the heck of being here on this planet. Each one was created by God to fulfill a specific purpose that connects with His entire purpose for humanity, not only in this lifetime but in the life to come.
Knowing your purpose goes beyond finding your fit. However, finding your fit is the path that leads to the discovery of your purpose. Where you fit in is related to the purpose that God has for you.
Discovering your purpose is a journey that does not happen overnight. It begins by knowing who created you and what His plan is for His entire creation. Knowing who created you will reveal you to yourself the way He created you. It will connect the dots of your past to your present and to the future that He has in store for you -- dots that include your past experiences, both the good and bad. It will bring healing and closure, and finally release you to your God-given purpose, giving you the peace and security that you have always longed for.
Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained
This vision is your purpose. Without knowing what it is, there is lack of restraint, meaning lack of control or direction. This is the reason why some people get depressed, turn to drugs and alcohol, and develop unhealthy habits. It is because of the lack of "restraint" brought about by not knowing their purpose.
Your purpose is bigger than being a wife, husband, mother, father, businessman, politician, philanthropist, pastor, teacher, architect, etc. These are simply avenues to fulfill your purpose.
Once you discover your purpose, you will see yourself in a totally different light. You will have that AHA moment. You will have the motivation and passion to do things that you've always wanted to do but never knew how to start or put into practice. You will experience restoration in all areas of your life. You will have a clearer path to follow. The clouds in your mind will dissipate and you will begin to see very clearly.
Discovering your purpose begins by saying, "I want to discover my purpose. I am ready."
And if you are ready, then I am ready to help lead you to the DISCOVERY OF YOUR PURPOSE.
Look around you. You see homelessness, mental sickness, addiction, sexual perversion, suicide, depression, crime, anger, apathy, and the list goes on. Some problems that you see are no respecter of status, financial standing, religious belief, gender, age, and nationality. It happens in the corporate setting, government, schools, communities, and basically everywhere.
What is going on?
The problems that we see are simply manifestations of deeper issues that are not dealt with. Until these issues are resolved, the problems will not only continue to happen but will escalate. Even the ones who appear all put together on the outside but have unresolved issues will sooner or later give in.
Most solutions that are presented are simply band-aid solutions that look good, but don't last.
One community for instance built small houses to accommodate homeless people in their area. In just a short time, neighbors started complaining of noise, fights, and rowdiness among these people who the community provided homes for. The solution was good but it did not solve the deeper problem.
Another example is a company whose people needed motivation. They hired a consultant to give them an empowering talk. The people got fired up! They were highly motivated after the conference. It lasted for two weeks, and they were back again in their old slump.
What about a lady who needed some confidence booster? She hired a coach and was very encouraged. Two months later and she was back to her depression.
It is so easy to offer and receive quick-fixes because nobody wants to deal with deep-seated issues. The problem is, people do not understand that covering up the deep-seated issues only prolongs the problem.
Why do people avoid resolving issues?
First, most people think that this is the job of a psychiatrist or psycho-therapist. This is far from the truth! In fact, the more clinical it gets, the more impersonal it becomes. And healing from deep-seated issues require a more personal approach that entails trust.
Next, most people do not even have a clue that they have unresolved issues. Some have buried it so deep, others do not want to think about it, and there are those who simply don't believe in it.
Third, there are very few people who know how to facilitate this process. How can one effectively teach or help someone with something he or she has not been through?
Resolving issues is a process that, when done correctly, and when the person surrenders to the process, can take shorter than other band-aid solutions or traditional means. It works like a band-aid. Taking it off can be painful, more so if the band-aid has been there for a long time. Yet, when the person is willing to endure the pain, the removal can be pretty quick. Once that band-aid is removed, the person will be able to see how bad the wound is. Then, true healing can begin. This healing is what brings about real change that lasts.
Let's face it. There is no perfect workplace or work environment. Even if you are self-employed, you will still be encountering problems and situations that will stress you out. People are hard to deal with. It is what it is. They are different from each other: coming from different backgrounds, experiences, culture, etc.
The thing is, you see people in the workplace with their masks on. They are there to work and earn a living. Yes, they probably talk about some personal stuff during break times. Some are probably friends outside of the work environment. Whatever it is, the fact remains that people have personal issues. Some have deeper issues than others. Some of these people with deeper issues do not even realize this. Others have buried these issues deep within, thinking it is gone, or simply wanting to forget it.
I have dealt with clients who did not even have a clue about their issues until I started probing. One client I had was so stressed out with work. She complained about her bosses and her co-workers. She was an excellent worker, dedicated and committed to her job, but looked really weighed down. As I began to ask her about family life, she told me about how she has not talked to her siblings in years over some "estate" matters. I saw right away that it was not just the "estate" but something deeper. As I began to ask questions, she began to pour everything out to me. I saw for myself how surprised she was. When I asked her the question: "How does this affect you?", she continued expressing all her grief and anger.
This is just one clear example of how personal issues affect how we feel in the workplace. Our reactions to situations reflect the issues we carry inside.
Every other intervention a company does to improve its productivity, motivational level, teamwork, promptness, etc., is merely a band-aid solution. What a company needs is an intervention that will allow each employee to examine himself and experience inner healing. The choice is still up to the employee. However, if a company offers this option, then it truly shows how it values its people.
There is no perfect job. There will always be bosses who you will not like; co-workers who will annoy you; and a work environment that will not be as exciting everyday. The key to being happy about your job is "you".
If you are working "only" to pay your bills, then do not expect to be happy anywhere you go. You need to find a job where you can do what you are passionate about.
You have to bear in mind though that passion is not the thing or object in itself. If you are passionate about cars, the passion is not the car. If you are passionate about food, the passion is not the food. If you are passionate about dancing, the passion is not the dancing in itself. Passion lies deeper than what you are passionate in doing. Passion is the "reason" why you are passionate about something.
If "food" is your passion and you love to cook, what drives you to do this? I can honestly say that my love for cooking comes from my desire to serve others and entertain. It has nothing to do with the cooking itself. Therefore, if I find a job where I can cook but I will be enclosed in the kitchen, then I will not fulfill what I am passionate about. Thus, I won't be happy with my job.
Do you see where I am getting at?
You need to find that spot inside of you ... the reason for your passion. This is what you will bring with you anywhere you go. Do not limit yourself with your educational attainment, what you have been doing for years, or what will pay the bills. Find the root of your passion and use that to lead you to your dream job.
Let me know if this article helped you. Feel free to ask questions or to share your insights. Leave a comment.
Are you the type of person who knows you can do almost anything but doesn't know where to start? Are you one of those who has so many skills and talents but doesn't know which one to focus on? Do you believe you have so much to put on the table but don't know how to present yourself?
If you are this person, you can continue reading.
If I were to ask you today to give me one phrase or one sentence that represents what you can do best, what will it be?
Did that come easy? Were you able to answer it right away? If not, that's okay. It simply means that you belong to the same club I belong to -- a group of smart people who have a variety of gifts and skills.
Sometimes it is easier to have one skill that you can focus on than having many skills to offer. But you have those skills and talents for a reason. It is only a matter of knowing how to integrate them and put them to good use.
The key is to ORGANIZE YOUR THOUGHTS and focus on one common ground.
Let's just say that your skills set is: creative writing, presentation, public speaking, and interpersonal relationships. The common ground here is "people". You are good with people. You are at ease presenting yourself in public. This is your main strength. The creative writing comes secondary. However, when it comes to passion, the creative writing can be the main thing.
Putting together the passion and strength is where the integration happens. Based on the example above, people skills is the strength and creative writing is the passion. Digging deeper, what lies behind creative writing? If you have this passion, what fuels and inspires you to write? What do you normally write about? The answers to these questions are where you can find the core passion.
As a creative writer myself, my motivation for writing comes from my personal experiences. I find myself writing about the experiences I've been through -- the hurts and pain, and how I have overcome. The end result I want to achieve is to uplift others who are going through the same thing, and to let them know that they too can overcome. My core passion is to "empower" and "build up".
Based on this example of the core passion, let's now integrate it with the strength mentioned above: "people".
Do you now see a clearer integration?
So, having this integration, I can answer the question I previously asked: "If I were to ask you today to give me one phrase or one sentence that represents what you can do best, what will it be?"
This is as simple as it can get. It can also get more complicated when you have a variety of different skills that are not even related to each other. Yet, no matter how simple or complex it is, the key is to INTEGRATE the skill and passion.
Once you have narrowed down what you can do best in one phrase or sentence, it will be easier for you to get the job you desire to have, to start the business you have been wanting to start, and to pursue and fulfill other goals you have on your list.
What I just shared with you is the essence of marketing, positioning yourself, building confidence, time management, business development, and leadership.
Let me know if this article helped you, or if you need more help. Feel free to share with me what you have come up with.
Feel free to share this article as well to other people who you know can be members of the Smart Club.
The quest for wisdom is deeply ingrained in each of us. We all want answers to our questions and solutions to our problems. We are seeking for ideas and better ways to do things. Yet, in the busyness of our minds and the day-to-day tasks that we are expected to do, we barely find time to sit down and think. And even if we do, our minds are so full of other concerns, clouding us from finding answers and solutions.
If I ask you today to depict a picture of a wise man and his surroundings, what will that picture be? I don't think you will have a picture of a man in the midst of a busy city, unless he is floating above it, detached from its noise. If you were to ask me, I can visualize a man sitting alone on a beach, facing the vast body of water. I visualize a still environment where his mind can be still and focused.
This is where answers are found, where ideas are birthed, where solutions are discovered. It is in our minds that have learned how to be still -- a mind that has been trained to focus ... a mind that can isolate itself from busyness and stay in a quiet place alone on a beach.
The key is to "train the mind" and do things intentionally.
Until you have trained your mind, no amount of "trying" can bring you to the point of wisdom. And wisdom is that place where you can organize your thoughts and gather all the facts, see how these information relate to your situation, derive principles from it, and take action at the right place and time.
Yes, some people are more gifted in this area than others. Yet, you too can have the ability. You too can have wisdom. You don't have to pay for a counselor or therapist to help you understand your situation and find solutions for it. You yourself can do it if you are willing to learn how to do it, and commit to practice what you've learned.
If you are interested to learn more about this, I can help you.
I offer a Coaching service that will help you:
At the end of the coaching session, you will know how to constantly train your mind to find that place where you can get "wisdom" -- the place where ideas are birthed, where answers to your questions are revealed, and where solutions to your problems are discovered.
We all want results. This is the reason why we work hard for something. We want to see the fruits of our labor and the fruition of our vision. Yet, we focus too much on the results, forgetting that the process is equally important, and sometimes even more important. We crack our brains for more effective strategies, more workable plans, and better approaches, forgetting that the process in itself is what leads to successful results.
Each day we are bombarded with pressure to produce results. We are in a rat race with people competing for the same spot on social media or the marketplace in general. Each one tries to squeeze in, wanting results. And with the times we are in, results seem to come quickly to those who barely even work for it. All it takes is a cute selfie on Instagram or a daring act on YouTube and you can have millions of views. You can become an instant star and achieve immediate results. Yet, as quickly as you rise up to stardom is how quickly you can also lose it. And even if you remain on top, what quality of results can you show for it?
Nobody can skip the process and expect quality results -- results that will stand the test of time. The process is where we learn and grow. It is where our character is built. It is where we fine tune every single detail.
How many of us have fast forwarded our adulthood only to realize that we were not ready for it? We thought we were, until responsibilities started coming our way. This is the reason why we have so many dysfunctional families, and why we have so many people riddled with unresolved issues, including leaders of corporations, churches, entertainment, and government.
This is why integrity is far and few in between.
Integrity is a result of something that has been through the process. It has been tested in fire. It has been solidified and strengthened. It is built on solid foundation.
If you want to build integrity, do not ignore the process. Let each step of the way be a learning experience for you: learn from it, embrace it, and enjoy it. How you fare in each phase dictates your progression to the next. Do not skip anything, or you will either go back to it or produce results that will eventually crumble.
I was born in 1968, raised by conservative Catholic parents. My mother knew no man except my dad. I used to hate the fact that my mom was so ignorant of the ways of the world. I felt a huge generation gap between us back then.
Despite my rebellion against their strict ways and standards, it helped establish certain boundaries for me -- boundaries that I am now very grateful for. It ingrained in me solid principles and standards that have become a part of me. No matter how wayward I got in the past, I still returned to those same values.
I believe that a person will always return to that foundation, whatever it is built on. No fake cover-ups will conceal what it is made of, for it will be revealed. This has been the case with leaders in our government, communities, corporations, churches, and entertainment. Those who eventually got exposed for something evil such as sexual immorality, theft, fraud, deception, etc. looked all good on the outside. They appeared so put together and professional externally, yet the inside was corrupt.
Things just don't happen. People are not just tempted to do evil things.
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death (James 1:14-15)
The evil desires have already been there, simply waiting for the right opportunity to express it and make it happen.
To bring back integrity starts by reassessing people's perception of integrity. It will be pointless to set standards for those who think that their standard is acceptable. And where did these standards come from in the first place? Didn't it come from their parents and the parents of their parents?
Values are passed on from one generation to the next. If somewhere along the line these values were compromised, what is passed on to the next generation is diluted, until it totally disintegrates.
The problem on the lack of integrity of some of our leaders is deeper than just the "lack of integrity" in itself. It goes as far back as the foundation they started on. Was that foundation built upon the rock or upon the sand? Whether it was built upon the rock or sand, the person's integrity will speak for itself.